I get asked this question a lot, and by a lot I mean very infrequently.."Harry, what's the secret to your seemingly happy life?". The answer is simple: money. Money buys you virtually everything - food, clothing, gas and most importantly..love. It's the very breath of life, especially if you need a ventilator after spending your money smoking all those delicious cigarettes for decades. Yup, money helps me through all the low points in my life.
If I happen to fall out of a relationship; which seems to be happening more frequently - must work more on obvious charms..fuck the deep meaningful, thoughtful shit; I turn to spending money. Can buying your way out of a depressing situation work? Hell ya! But remember to spend relative to the depth of your sadness. Don't blow your wad immediately because things can always get worse. For example if a two-year relationship ends..you buy yourself a gym membership. If a fifteen year relationship ends..you get yourself a drum kit, join a rock band, and travel to Thailand for a month where nightly you can create multi-layered sex sandwiches. Your money can't keep you warm at night, but three talented professional women sure can..and you can't get that freaky without a little cash.
But all this happiness you deserve means you need a good supply of money to buy it. You can earn it the old-fashioned way by working, or you can earn it the other old-fashioned way by stealing it..or you can even inherit it..but the fastest way to increase your supply of money and your joy is to gamble for it. Football, hockey, basketball, even Nascar provides plenty of opportunities to build up your store of beautiful life-giving money. Then you take those winnings and sink them into pocketfuls of Lotto-Max tickets, and when you win that - and it's only a matter of time - you'll never again need to build relationships..they'll come knocking on your door. Friends forever brought to you by sweet, sweet money. Now go get yourself some!
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